I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
