I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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