Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
