I need to stop coming to work sober
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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