you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
