Swine flu. Run for my life!
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
