Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(775): View more from Nevada

Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(

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(214): View more from Texas

call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight

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(516): View more from New York

Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes

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(423): View more from Tennessee

so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.

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(204): View more from Manitoba

Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.

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(850): View more from Florida

Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

if you just come over, i will entertain you

(484): View more from Pennsylvania

arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment

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(919): View more from North Carolina

i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...

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(631): View more from New York

So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol

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