5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
