woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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