Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
