My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
