when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
