I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
