I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
