dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
