eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
