dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
