last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
