1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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