Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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