in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
