I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
