I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
