well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
