Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
