the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
