omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I need to align my fucking chakras
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
