I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
