get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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