Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
