mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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