Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Actions speak louder than pants.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
