FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
