Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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