The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
