The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
