if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
