I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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