i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
