I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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