she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
