Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
