So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
