Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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