I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
