Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
