We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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