I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize
