Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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