i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
