I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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