Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
